He Won't Go - Adele (Official 2011 Song)

Getting My Writing Groove Back

I am glad to report that I have finally gotten my writing groove back.  I feel good about a recent piece that I wrote today.  I submitted a piece on Chamber.  There was a Lyrics and Music Challenge issued by TheSouthernScribe.  The Challenge was basically putting together  a fiction piece surrounded around a song by Adele off of her amazing album 21. My song choice was  He Won't Go.    See the next entry so see the song I used.   Adele is Amazing!  Her music before mainstream is also too hot to hold! 

This was my first story written since my high school days. I'm somewhat happy with what I wrote.  It still reads in my eyes as a spoken word piece.  So I'm not sure how receptive others will be to it.  I think it's a challenging piece wrap your head around.  You have to read a lot between the lines to pull out the hidden messages.  I'm curious if others will see what I'm trying to say.

Oh well it's posted!  

I also wanted to take this opportunity to share my story with you as well. I hope you like it.

Home

Me

Feeling only the crisp chilled sheets instead of a warm body reminding me of the man I went to bed with.  He and I…we have a complicated love-hate relationship.  I love the man, but hate his work.  We have roles that we play in this metaphorical dance called love.  I give and he takes.  He gives and he takes back.  He doesn’t trust anyone…Even though he lies in my bed, eats the food that I create and  refuses to spend the money I  make and I refuse to spend the money he takes.

Everything about him that I love hurts me.   He hurts me.  But I just can’t stay away. 

I hear the shower running and wonder if he’s eaten.  Pulling on his t-shirt I make my way to the kitchen looking for evidence that he’s fulfilled. I see none.  

I have to admit that I love being in the kitchen.  Sometimes I think my love alone has set the women’s suffrage back by 150 years. I stand in the kitchen and envision exactly what masterpiece will fill the plates of those that will consume every delectable morsel placed in front of seeing eyes.  Creating food for thought, filling bellies, and weighing heavy on souls.

The food is a fusion of Dominican and Soul Food to ensure that we both carry a little bit of each other throughout the rest of the day.  Growing up I was taught that the stomach will always carry you home. 

When he enters the kitchen I can’t help but look at his pants barley hanging on to his narrow hips.  His shirt clinging to his tattooed arms.  Arms that all at once scream murder is what the streets made, I will die a King and I need you.   He’s wearing trademark colors of Los Reales.  I sometimes wonder if this will be the last time I will watch him in our home.  Will last night be the last time we were to feel that intimacy, belonging, wanting, and need with each other?  Will today be the last time that I will see his smile…

 A smile touches his lips as he focuses on the spread on our kitchen table.   My heart skips a beat when his soft lips kiss my forehead, my nose, my cheek, and finally find their home leaving a sloppy wet kiss on my lips.  My body becomes heated with the scent of his cologne that lingers in my nostrils imagining the night before. I don’t wish to break this illusion of happiness, but I must.  Reality is too consuming to stay in our self made fantasy held together by vocal silence.

“Baby, you have plans today?” I ask as he takes his seat next to mine.

“Don’t worry about it.” 

Silence and tension that lingers in the room.

 It hurts. 

“Dominic, I love you. You don’t have to go out today.  Let’s stay in.  Let me show you how much I love you.” I plead knowing that today something hot and heavy is going to happen.

“I can’t. Not today…This food looks amazing.”  He takes a mouthful of food and inwardly groans as his pallet makes love to my creation, “Girl, you put you foot in it!”

I roll my eyes.  I almost want to scream “No you pendejo, it’s my heart.  How can you not taste it?”   

I exhale silently as the pain almost pulls tears from my eyes.

We eat in silence.  It’s a slicing stillness in our home that promotes tales of sorrow, aching hearts, and bloody tears.  But I have a role to play so that emotion is hidden and a smile is put on display.   

“Don’t go.” Those are the words that I want to say.

 I watch as he turns showing me his back before he departs our home.  The front door closes and the sound of the lock creating a barrier of disconnect resounds my now empty home. 

^*^

The love that we have we had to fight for.   We still fight for it.  It’s easier said than done From the start our backgrounds clashed.  His more than mine as Los Reales doesn’t take kindly to outsiders.  Outsiders that aren’t La Raza.  Outsiders who refuse to be sexed in then jumped in.  Outsiders that refuse willing agree to let the so called leaders use their bodies at whim.   We had to fight a good fight to be who we are together.  We still fight for it. His battle scars attest to that.  I love every one of them.  Those battle scars tell me what he never does. 

Today I know I have to call in reinforcements.

I invite friends over, or rather associates who understand the war that we are fighting. Associates who know the war on terrorism and in our hearts, right here on theses very streets that we call home.  Associates that know the feeling of losing soldiers all around us in the name of drugs, territory, and power.  We all sit at the table playing cards and subconsciously playing who will get the first call from either the hospital or county. 

Channel 12 is on just in case some breaking news is released concerning our street soldiers. 

The silence is deafening.   Tension is thick.  Though, smoke fills the room it is ice cold. We are suffocating each member of our local tribe holding their breath. 

Then all is broken.

The first sound of ringing breaks us from our games.   A panicked look over takes one of my kinfolk staring dismayed at her phone.  The first words spoken are “Que fue?”  It’s the question we have all been wondering since deployment.  Upon answering a string of disconnected Spanglish fills the room competing with the television.  All variations of words spoken barely make it to comprehension words spoken clash with Puerto Rican,  Mexican, Colombian, Dominican, and English.

I imagine blood covered soldiers starting to fill the streets, walking calmly to safe houses dropping off evidence in concealed places to be picked up by the sweep team. 

It all happens in a blur.  My comrades leave one by one.  The television is still on with long since reporting of a “drug bust” that brought down a handful of Los Reales dead and alive.  

I am glued to my spot at the kitchen table.  I feel as though if I move I might miss something.  My home feels empty and still. My body convulses with tears that won’t shed.  By body feels cold and lifeless.  The food fights within my stomach refusing to let me forget this morning and the fusion of the night prior.

I have no doubt that my man will not be dumb enough to call me with updates.  I only expect a call from county. 

 It never comes.

The door knob jiggles.

My heart catches in my throat.

I wait.

I hold my breath.

The door opens and closes quickly as a body slumps down leaning on said door clutching his stomach.

I exhale.

“I’m home.”

My Guilty Pleasure 2….80’s and 90’s Pop Music

Guilty pleasures...we all have at least one.  I admit I have a whole lot of them that I indulge...and then tell people about it afterwards. 

Today, I was doing a little spring cleaning and to get in the mood I pulled out some of my CDs and start getting funky with Pat Benetar and Britney Spears.  Yes, I said Britney Spears. “CRAZY!”  LOL.  I had to do it.   

Anyway… 

In the middle of my cleaning today my cousin drops in and busts in the middle of the chorus of Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing.  It was quite amusing.  If you knew my family you would most certainly understand why.  In our family everyone is either gangsta' or very attached to Old School R&B, Jazz, and Hip Hop.  (I'm the odd woman out. ) 

FUFA:  Studies have shown that in hearing people and animals have an emotional connection to music.  So music can help shape a persons emotional state.

So with that said, I say a positive mood setter would be to throw on some throwback music and just chill.   Reminisce about the good old days and sing like nobody can hear you!   Ooh and why not indulge in a tasty treat while you’re at it.  I recommend some Tofutti, which is a prepacked pint of non dairy, frozen desserts. They have chocolate, vanilla almond bark, vanilla, vanilla fudge, better pecan, and chocolate cookie crunch.  YUM!  

 Enjoy your day today!

*키스, 키스*

Lupe Fiasco - Words I Never Said ft. Skylar Grey [Music Video]

Word....

This song really spoke to me and I wanted to share it with others.   There are some true words behind the music and in the lyrics.  It's becoming more and more rare these days and I just wanted to spread the message.

My Guilty Pleasure 1...Fan Fiction

I find that having a guilty pleasure can be fun… As long as nobody is getting hurt.  On days when I am bored, need some inspiration or just want to wear a smile indulge in one of many of my guilty pleasures.  

Today I share with you my love of reading fan fiction. Yes as much as I hate to admit it I am a grown a$$ woman who truly enjoys reading fan fiction.  Okay I admit I started reading fan fiction about a year ago. But the point is it was way cooler when I was a high school student. And I have found that it’s a great way to unwind and just have fun.

For those of you that aren’t sure what fan fiction is all about I’ll try to explain it to you and confuse you so I can feel less guilty about my rekindled passion. Fan fiction in my mind can be best explained as: Fictional tales written by fans using already pre-existing characters from books, movies, celebrity personas, TV shows, etc for no monetary gain to retell a story/plot in a different light. Simplistic terminology: fan fiction (fan fic, FF, fan fiction) is fans taking the opportunity to write stories and works of fiction based on their favorite celebrities and entertainment. Best of all it’s free!

I will now admit how my laziness and lack of taking responsibility plays a role in my new found pastime. Okay so it was July 5th, 2010 about 2:37am. The night was finally quieting down though I could still hear home bought fireworks going off in the distance. I was sitting on my futon (as a college student, it’s safe to say that we don’t really know what beds are outside of guardian/parent home) willing a book to magically float to me. After about 10 minutes I opened up the borrowed laptop that was luckily sitting next to me on the futon hand attempted to look for the book I was trying to make float online. Fiction….online…. And a thought occurred to me... “fan fiction…it’s so high school, you’re bored, it doesn’t have to be checked out or returned…it’s super free of charge and you can share your opinions and laugh at the frustrated comments leave in response… (Evil laughter happened about here and lightening flashed in the background of an imaginary castle). And so there we have it, my new start on fan fiction. Somehow I came across my current fix on Vampire Diaries. I have heard of the T.V. show, but I have never actually seen it. Apparently this was inspired by a book series that is pretty different from the show. I learned this as I was reading through some of the stories and names and characters were contradicting each other. *Fufa: That was a fun fact for you*. I am totally on this Damon and Bonnie plot. I mean, teenage black witch and 150-something caucasian vampire. It boggles the mind.

If you are interested in reading some yourself check out a couple of these sites:

• http://www.fanfiction.net/  (This one is my absolute favorite)
• http://www.winglin.net
• http://www.fictionpress.com/

I do pre-warn you these are stories written by nonprofessionals. What you get is what you get. When I do searches I tend to look for themes that are more adult themes. I am not always a fan of fluff. Fluff is usually go happy go lucky, super cheesy romance stories. (Beware it may happen when you least expect it).  I tend to read stories that I’m in the mood for reading.  I take my time and look at whether or not I’m going to read something fun and fluffy or dark and depressing.

Don't be bashful when it comes to letting the authors know what you think of their works. But also don't be too harsh. Some of the writers are in their pre-teens, we wouldn't want to scar anyone for life or murder a life long dream/hobby.
I must say I have read quite a bit, and I’ve been having a good time! That's all for now...


*키스, 키스*

Choreography

Just finished  choreography  to this piece.  It's hot!  Just had to share that with ya'll!  I tend to shy away from this music because I'm more into NuSoul and R&B.  But I heard this beat and I saw the dance unfold in my mind.  Weird? I agree! Enjoy!

Saggin', Sagging, and ROFLMAO

Let's discuss this sagging pants thing. I just have to.

Photo  Courtesy of:  http://www.shoopthat.com/?p=897

The other day was a nice day. I did some walking in the major metro areas as well as hitttin’ up a few malls. I wanted to slap some sense into those men and women with sagging pants. This time around I’m focusing on the baggy sagging pant trend.  Before the summer is out I will have another blurb out for you entitled “Crack Kills” (showing off your ass crack is not the thing to do). 

First off, you are reading this or you are showing this particular blurb to someone that needs the reality check, KUDOS! In case you haven't figured it out yet you no longer in prison so you need to wear a belt. If you can't afford a belt use some string, a cord, or some rope. They all work just fine.

If you are over the age of 14 you should have a grasp on how clothes should fit. If you are over the age of 14 you have no excuse. NONE!!  If you are a parent that allows their child to sag their pants…SLAP YOURSELF on my behalf. Had to get that of the way!

You should never wear sagging pants, but if you must be aware that there is a right time, a right place, and a correct way to do so.

Let's talk about the WRONG. ways:

Pull Ups-   You already know where I’m going with this.  If you have to keep pulling up you pants…that should tell you something like… I don’t know…, maybe your pants are too big and you need a belt?  I’m just saying…take a look in the mirror.

The Waddle- If you are waddling like a bird, obviously your pants are down too low...Or you are wearing skinny jeans. LOL. 

 Keep your Secrets Secret- This is the biggie...honestly no one wants to see your underwear.  It’s bad enough we have to see your ass hanging all out of your pants.  It is not cute. (NOTE:  If you are a single NFL Player or College Football Player I would personally rather just see you in your underwear….holla at ya girl!)

Room for Two- You should not wear be wearing pants that are so large that you can fit a second person in there with you.  That doesn't look good on anybody.

Skinny Jeans- There is no excuse for it. That doesn't even make sense. It's not a good look. Not matter what anyone tells you you cannot sag with skinny jeans on.  You can’t.  Don’t do it! You look funny as hell! (Yeah that’s me laughing out loud pointing it out to strangers.)

With Age Comes Wisdom...LOL- If you are in your 20's and you are still sagging your pants something is wrong with you.  You need to grow up.   I don't speak for all women and men that wouldn't jump into a relationship with one who embraces the sagging pants trend.  But my opinion is as such: If you can't wear clothes properly and carry yourself in an air of maturity then you aren't relationship material.  You still need to work on yourself before you jump in it with someone else.

At this point imagine you’re thinking I sound stuck up.  And I admit I might be.  But when I am looking at a potential partner, how you present yourself within the first 15 seconds let’s me know if I would ever consider having your child.

For those of you that are and you want to know the correct way to wear sagging pants, if you must, please let me know and I’ll post an article just for you.

Captain Planet

So my niece has this toy that talks and every time the toy says heart my niece does as well. So of course because I am definitely a 90's TV era watcher, a certain cartoon pops into my head....

CLICK HEREE


That's right Captain Planet. If you know the cartoon I am referring to you know that there's always the segment right before the Planeteers say their corresponding element before the call on Captain planet to take care of the Evil Planet Wrecking Villains.

So where am I going with this? Well no where I just want someone else to have this song stuck in there head because I'm about to go crazy because it just keeps playing and playing...it's been like this for three days now! When will this horror end?!?

THE POWER IS YOURS!

Starting Over

Just remember in life "It happens"! It being getting off track, pushing your goals aside "temporarily", and just giving in to your vices. When you get off track it's time to start over. Don't dwell on the past. It's your life and only you can live it. So it's time to pull up your underoos and do what you got to do.

Even though it can be difficult you have to move forward. This means reset your goal. Really, re-write your goals and start over. Tell yourself "This is a new day, a new beginning and I will..."fill those previous dots with what you are trying to accomplish.

You may not have to do it alone. The best thing about the web is having this instant way to connect with people all over the world. With a simple search you can find someone that is trying to accomplish the same goal you have. But always use discretion there are some crazy people out there. Why not enlist a friend or family member? This way there is a more personal touch to what it is that you are doing. Friendly competition is always a great motivator.

Depending on the health risks involving your goal I would recommend that you take one single day for yourself where you don't worry at all about your goal. Take time to just deal with life in general. I reiterate it is your life and it is you that has to live it.

One note I want to add before closing up is that you have to make time to see the fruits of our labor. If you don't take time to focus on doing the steps to make the goal happen then it probably won't happen.

When you set your mind to it you can accomplish just about anything you set your mind to!

Good Luck!


뽀뽀
<3 <3
--Kea--

Spoken Word

So it's been awhile since I have been on the spoken word or slam circuit. I have to admit I miss it very much. So I have decided to try and jump back on the train and observe. I love how passionate my fellow writers are and I miss that intensity. SO don't be surprised if you see Youtube.com links and postings with said poetry. I've been writing a lot these days and have been considering whether or not I want to post some of my work. I'm still thinking on it...

Just wanted to do some kind of update! Expect an article by the end of this upcoming week. I haven't decided the topic of my article just yet, but once I figure it out I'll get crackin' on it. If you have any ideas feel free to message me and I'll most likely go with your suggestion.



뽀뽀
<3 <3
--Kea--